Outside is a wonderful place, an ocean, full of desires, ambition, love, hate, lust, and whatnot. Everybody, like an empty vessel, is trying to fill itself with all of it. Some are selective about what they want and others just fill up on anything that comes drifting. All these years what I wanted, or at least I believed that I did, now has been rendered meaningless.
As a child, I encountered various wants, habits, desires, responsibilities, ambitions, dreams, and necessities, and was implicitly encouraged to choose some through subtle gestures. That is what makes a man. isn’t it?
Deep inside, every time I knew I didn’t want what I was choosing, and at this point, I have arrived at the realization that I actually do not want anything. I don’t want to eat, drink, live, breathe, work, socialize, express, wait, feel, see, hear, sense, walk, think, or do anything. Not a part of existence exists within my desires, and neither the desire to desire resides in my nature.
Don’t take this as the wailing of a sunken soul, for at the moment I am at peace and I doubt that I want it either. It is the emptiness or to me, it’s being part of the continuum, ever extending and ever existing yet undifferentiated.
This is the teaching we have given. We train ourselves to desire and acquire what we want, but when the object of our desire fades away, it creates a void. We constantly strive to fill the emptiness within us, but fail to recognize that it only gets masked by our wants, emotions, and desires. Eventually, when these layers decay, the emptiness remains persistent.
Such is the universe, which started from emptiness and will end with it. But why do we picturise it with a start and an end? It might not be like this and it indeed is not. The emptiness was there, is there, and will be there. Just the processes move along themselves, starting and ending with time. And here I ask, what is the need then? Why is there so much so going on to cover this emptiness, why form these layers, just to wait for them to rot and reveal the emptiness again?